Abandoned

2010 has been a pretty craptastic year for me. I'm glad that we're into June because that means I am halfway finished with this year. I'm also thinking that since everyone in my life has abandoned me, that hopefully this means that things will begin to "look up". But you know how they keep referring to the recession as a "double dip" recession? I'm secretly afraid that my life is one big double dip and that just as things look up, I'll get hit by another metaphorical bus. Or, knowing me, a real bus.

So let me give you a breakdown of all the people who have left me since January 2010: (In order of descending traumatic value).

1. Gerry Berry
2. Boyfriend
3. Best friend that thought he was my boyfriend or wanted to be my boyfriend.
4. Chinatown Bus Friend (Although, technically, I abandoned her)

Gerry Berry was a black lab and my absolute best friend. I honestly think he was my soul mate. Ex boyfriend is pretty sure that I am autistic since I am obsessed with touching and smelling things, even though I hate to be touched, and also because I am only really capable of loving my dog. Gerry was adorable, never barked, had an incredibly heavy head that he disliked having to hold up on his own, refused to play fetch, and loved carrying around shoes. Despite Gerry's horrible breath and recent unfortunate bout with incontinence, he was the best dog a girl could ever have. GB was almost 12 years old when my parents' landlord killed him by refusing to fix the air conditioning in their house. I miss him terribly. I still talk to him, and sometimes I try to smell his collar to see if it still smells like him. It doesn't, but that doesn't stop me from smelling it every once in awhile (read: every night before I go to bed).

About 2 weeks after the loss of Gerry, boyfriend decided that he wanted to be an ex, not a current boyfriend. This wasn't dramatic and it came as no surprise, seeing as how we had constantly talked about breaking up. After 3 years of dating, we were nowhere near getting engaged, and at the advanced age of 28 I have decided it is time to find my soul mate. Oh, wait. I already did and now he's dead. Shit! I wonder if ex boyfriend will take me back?! UPDATE: This paragraph looked disproportionately shorter compared to the other paragraphs and I felt like that was unfair to ex- boyfriend. He is a really great guy and still my very best friend, so it's hard to write mean things about him. Now that I'm single we all know how this is going to end: I'm going to become the crazy cat lady, even though I hate cats.

In the midst of all of this, my best friend had gone MIA. When he finally called me he said that, "It was really awkward the last time we hung out and I don't think we should talk for awhile." The last time I saw ex-best friend we went to lunch and he brought along his new/old/crazy girlfriend. I tried really hard to get her to like me because he had mentioned how jealous she was of me. I even asked about her job, which seemed lame, and I instantly regretted asking her the question. But the point is that I tried. To make a long story short, when ex-best friend dumped me over the phone, I cried/hiccuped/snotted all over the place and said something to the effect of, "Have a nice life," when, in fact, I wanted to say a lot more, but I was having trouble breathing. So I did the only mature and responsible thing I could think of and I de-friended him on facebook and deleted his number from my phone. But I did write down his number in a safe place in case I ever need to call him. Because that's how I work- I can be dramatic, but deep down I know that I will instantly regret my impulsive behavior.

And now I'm writing a blog in hopes that someone will be my friend.